Subject: A few thoughts
Author:
Posted on: 2017-04-30 02:09:00 UTC

Keeping issues private isn't, as other people have pointed out, an issue that can be fully solved.

However, if we ignore complaints, or are perceived as ignoring them, it will influence people towards keeping their issues private. If you expect that a public complaint won't do anything, or might even make things worse by generating a bunch of drama, you're not going to make one.

We do actually tend to ignore complaints (possibly unintentionally), especially if there's not one specific alleged egregiously bad thing that's being complained about or if there's a whole bunch of other discussion going on at the time.

Solutions? Not sure. Pulling the less-discussed complaints out of a big pile of drama and discussing them a while later like I think we should eventually do here is probably a good move. Also, even though, like Nesh said, form matters, if someone's making a not-entirely-specific complaint, it might be good to ask clarifying questions instead of shrugging and moving on.

Also, just because we haven't been asked to do anything doesn't mean it's not a complaint.

As to abandoning and/or not joining discussions, please don't do this if you can avoid it. Among other things, it contributes to perceptions that we don't care about complaints. Obviously, there's this thing called real life that might limit the time you have to be involved in PPC discussions, but I don't think that's the sole explanation for our high abstention rate.

If you're hesitating to step into a thread because it's a big argument or debate and you're not quite sure what's going on or which "side" to take, that's the signal for you to go in there and ask the people involved to explain things to you.

Bearing grudges is not a good thing for people to be doing around here. However, I suspect that some of those grudges come from complaints that were ignored, which makes them somewhat understandable. On the other hand, if someone does apologize and try to do better and you don't accept that, that's not their problem. It's yours.

Repeated bad behavior, especially if it's unrepentant, isn't a good thing. However, it's important to remember that, a lot of the time, reform involves changing thought patterns, and that's not an easy or quick process, and that, despite someone's bast efforts, there might be some backsliding. Therefore, these "patterns of behavior" cases need to be considered on a case by case basis.

In general, if people offer apologies, they should either be accepted or, if they seem insincere or otherwise not valid, that should be stated explicitly to prevent miscommunications. Furthermore, if you don't think the apology you got is enough repartitions for whatever it is happened, please say so instead of stewing about it silently. Sure, it might cause drama, but I think that's better than the alternative.

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