Posted on: 2021-08-04 19:04:58 UTC

1: So first, the ears? Totally real! Which is super wild!

The young god posed for the camera, his cravat rakishly loose, his entire outfit artful in its unkemptness. Sprezzatura, it was called. Effortless cool. His cane twirled in his fingers, captured by the gif.

2: El-Ahrairah's from a really dark continuum: it's violent, and gory, and somehow also for kids! Which is great. Obviously.

This pose was more sombre, the sword being slowly drawn from its cane sheath for the benefit of the gif, a stern and serious expression on the god's face.

3: So, what's he a god of exactly? Well, bunnies, obviously, but also speed, laughter, tricks...

The gif from above continued, and the drawn sword flashed out in a shimmer of silver - to cut a giant carrot in half as it is hurled towards the smiling god.

4: ... Aaaaand other stuff. And lots of it. Which probably explains all the fans.

A panning shot of the crowd behind El-Ahrairah showed a bunch of extremely energetic fans, carrying placards and fanart. Quite a lot of it has had to be pixelated, so much so that it was of lower quality than the average video purporting to be proof that UFOs exist.

5: But don't worry, everybody, he's a perfect gentleman.

The next gif showed an obviously different scene, with El-Ahrairah sipping tea at a fan meet-and-greet in the Courtyard. A DMS agent blushed and appeared entirely too flustered as he kissed her hand, eliciting some swoons from others in the queue.

6: Literally, in fact!

This time, El-Ahrairah was shown swirling something in a brandy glass in the Pennacook Club, of which he was a hereditary member on a technicality. It was a mix of radish juice and carrot juice, at least according to the caption.

7: Our incredible investigative journalism technique of "asking people" determined that not only is he a god, he's a lord! Fancy!

A shot, obviously staged, showed El-Ahrairah rising from the Fountain in a pastiche of the Colin Firth ornamental lake scene from Pride and Prejudice. Clearly, not even the divine can determine the location of HQ's fabled Pool.

8: Don't be fooled though. He's no snooty, pompous stick-in-the-mud.

The next shot showed El-Ahrairah slipping on the Fountain's tiles and falling backwards with a splash, laughing all the way down.

9: He's a party god. Like Dionysus! Or Dionysus's fursona.

There was no sound with the gifs, but even so, a reader could almost feel the bass throb from the pictures of the club. El-Ahrairah's shirt was blue under the blacklight, his cane was absent, his care was forgotten, his movements to the music entrancing.

10: This bunny got moves. That's not grammatically correct, but it is actually correct, so don't send us angry letters. Notary.

More footage from the club. The lights flashed a rainbow of colours. Handprints in glow-paint covered El-Ahrairah's shirt, and he was still dancing, still moving, everything but the music forgotten.

11: He's a really happy guy, is our point. The life of the party.

Foam cascaded down at the club, glowing the iridescent bluish-purple of ultraviolet light. El-Ahrairah rose up through it like a sea eagle surfacing, flicking his long lop ears back in a spray of colour. He was on a table and looked like there was nowhere else he should be.

12: Any party.

The next gif showed the god at some kind of formal masquerade ball, dancing a slow but passionate waltz with a fan.

12a: Any party.

The next showed him from a wider angle playing musical chairs with a gaggle of Nursery children, some Generic Bunting spelling out Happy Relevant Birthday Insert Name Here in the background.

14: But not everything is sunshine and rainbows. Though there are a lot of rainbows.

A short gif of El-Ahrairah smirking in an entirely lascivious manner. Hanging off his arm were a woman, a man, and (in defiance of physics) a novelty toilet brush on a skateboard.

15: You see, El-Ahrairah's got issues with his ex-family.

Beneath is a picture, alas unmoving, of a small round-looking man in a powdered wig and green frock coat, looking like nothing so much as a Regency Brussels sprout. The man had a manic cast to his features and the haft of a placard in his hands.

16: Meet Algernon, 7th Earl Wymbourne. He's one of the Anti-Divinity protestors... and El-Ahrairah's former dad. Yes, former.

A small mob - a moblet, perhaps, a bijou mob perfect for the first-time rioter - surrounded Algie in the photograph, each carrying their own placards. One was a sleep-deprived Pokémon whose placard simply reads "SHUT UP DOK", the reason for which they alone were privy.

17: Before their ascension to godhood, the gods had a mortal life.

This time the still image was of an oil painting, a family portrait in Regency style of Algie, a young boy (obviously his son), and someone who even the most untrained eye could tell was a Suvian, resplendent in a pink crop top, black skinny jeans, and two different spiked belts.

18: Though some of the gods say they were always gods, and never were mortal in the first place.

This gif showed the protestors being harangued by a crowd of PPC personnel wearing bunny ears. There's arguing, but it hasn't turned violent, the worst being the occasional bop on the head with a giant inflatable carrot.

19: El-Ahrairah is one of those gods.

The shot tracked right in the next gif, revealing El-Ahrairah, his back turned to the crowd, his posture far more aloof and cold than in previous footage.

20: Though obviously, it brings him pain.

A new setting again. This gif showed El-Ahrairah lounging in a chair, his posture loose and laissez-faire but his face cast down, as though deep in an ill thought.

21: Quite at odds with the playboy image he's cultivated.

Another new setting, this time vibrant, sunlit. New Caledonia's streets, a crowd of fans watching and cheering for the god as he bounded and danced along them.

22: Heh, didn't realise I'd done that.

Another gif showed El-Ahrairah in a dressing gown smoking a bubble pipe for some unknown reason, a bevy of attractive persons surrounding him in leotards and the ubiquitous ears.

23: Still, he's the fun-loving carefree god-about-town-and/or-corridor we've grown to love.

The next gif returned to New Caledonia. El-Ahrairah put a jaunty spring in his step, leaping and tumbling like an acrobat. So smooth, so natural. So hypnotic.

24: Always ready with a smile and an autograph for his fanbase.

El-Ahrairah tucked and rolled up to a girl and spun around to take a selfie with her phone, then handed it back and bounced away again, leaving her screaming with joy in his wake.

25: And if he isn't?

El-Ahrairah looked back in the next gif, the shot freezing on a tiny knot of protestors, a blob of green visible at their forefront.

26: He can get there fast.

The gif tracked back to El-Ahrairah as he turned away from Algie, then counted on his fingers before disappearing with a THOOM of displaced air that almost, almost drowned the cheers.

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((OOC: Look, the Monitor isn't the only game in town. Not any more, at least.))

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